MOVIES I CANNOT BELIEVE EXIST

My job involves watching every American film theatrically released (really). A couple highlights (only from this week):
  1. Spike of Bensonhurst (1988)
    Sasha Mitchell (Cody on Step By Step) is a teen boxer who wants to fall in with the mafia, so he impregnates the mafia boss's daughter. The boss, instead of being impressed by this, as Sasha Mitchell assumed (???), banishes him, so Sasha moves to Red Hook, Brooklyn, and falls in love with another girl and also impregnates her. What the fuck
  2. Romeo - Juliet (1992)
    ROMEO AND JULIET STARRING CATS. CATS. Spoiler alert: instead of faking her death via poison, Juliet Cat fakes her death via getting run over by a car.
  3. Prayer of the Rollerboys (1990)
    I'll let Wikipedia take this one: "Haim stars as Griffin, a rollerblader in near future Los Angeles, a city overrun with crime and drug use in the wake of a catastrophic economic crash caused by the greed of previous generations. The film includes ominous events, including news reports of riots in Washington D.C., a newspaper headline that proclaims "GERMANY BUYS POLAND", references to the Israeli Defense Forces "cleaning up Northern Ireland"."