THINGS I DO NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER: FOOD EDITION

There's a reason for serving sizes, I'm just not quite sure why...
  1. Cheez-Itz
    Let me tell you a tale: it's called I eat an entire fuckin box in a single sitting. I just found out about the extra toasted kind and since have eaten ~35 boxes in a single sitting. Minimal regrets.
  2. Oreos
    FUCK. How many times have I eaten an entire box in a single sitting? At least 15 times. The thins, double stuff'd, uh-ohs, churros, brownies, patties you name it, I've deep throated it
  3. Ben & Jerry's Phish Food/Cherry Garcia
    Honestly, pints of ice cream > pints of beer. Need I say more?
  4. Goldfish
    Those massive gallon box containers? Single greatest, single sitting achievement
  5. Trader Joe's Vegetable Fried Rice
    For $2.99 I get a happiness in a bag. It's delicious and nutritious.
  6. Chocolate covered fruit of any kind
    Consider it decimated by this heathen called Nina
  7. Bowls of candy just left out
    No more "just left out" because it "just disappeared right into my stomach"
  8. Granola bars
    Why must you cut them and then package them separately?? Can't you just leave them in one big sheet for me????
  9. Cereal
    Because one bowl is NEVER enough. Three boxes later....
  10. Triscuits
    WHO DECIDED IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PAIR THIS WITH CHEESE CUBES? I CANT STOP :(
  11. String cheese
    I could LIVE off of the stringy, entertaining goodness that is string cheese