THINGS THAT MIGHT WRECK YOU

  1. Having to go bathing suit shopping.
    The mirrors are unforgiving as hell. Boobs, when did you decide to move there????
  2. Jeans shopping
    This is one of two moments I become a religious woman. I pray that the jeggings will fit up my quads and over my butt. "Please god, if you just help me get these fucking pants over my legs I swear...."
  3. When nausea hits
    This is the second moment I become a deeply religious woman. "Please god I'll do anything if you take this away. ANYTHING!"
  4. Getting shots/blood drawn
    Fuuuuuuuuuuq no
  5. Getting that little bit of air puffed in your eye at the doctor
    "Ok, don't blink be very sti-" POOOF! *blinks and curses profusely*
  6. Cat attacking feet while under covers
    MOTHER FUCKER BITE MY TOES OVER MORE TIME WHILE I'M IN A DEAD SLEEP AND I CAN'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CAT IMPRINT IN THE DAMN WALL!! (I'm looking at you, asshat)
  7. Farting in a long down jacket
    How many times have I gagged myself from a noxious toot because I was too cold to remove my poor nose from my coat for fear of freezing it off in the tundra that is Michigan? Really, honestly an embarrassing amount
  8. That heat blast of air when you really wanted AC on a 95F day
    "Sweet, sweet Saharan air!" Said Satan
  9. Cat poop
    SMELLS SO BAD MY EYES WATER EVERY TIME
  10. Nosebleeds
    Suggestion from @marginally_amazing