Some things I'm thinking about on the way home

  1. This is the first time in a long time he won't be waiting for me at the airport.
    I don't know how to feel about this. I used to like watching the bashful smile spread across his face, but what I was secretly always waiting for was the good old fashioned pick-me-up-because-I'm-little-and-you're-so-happy-to-see-me moment. I don't know if it makes me sad to know that he never initiated that or to know that I never felt like I could. Can I have this someday? Can I make this a necessary criterion for my next person?
  2. I really enjoy traveling alone.
    There's something undeniably satisfying about successfully getting yourself where you need to be and being completely on your own agenda. There's something undeniably pleasant about the anonymity that comes with sitting between two perfect strangers who ask of me nothing at all.
  3. Why is it an objective fact that you should feel panicked if you don't get to the airport at least 45 minutes in advance?
    Today I arrived 15 minutes after the plane started boarding and I wasn't even the last person to get a seat. I'm not suggesting that this is an intelligent travel m.o., I just think the airport experience isn't worthy of all the hype and energy it receives.
  4. I'm so curious about what this is all going to feel like.
    Am I going to feel exactly the way I feel now, the way I have been feeling for months? Will I feel estranged? Relieved? More present? More like a former version of myself? What feeling is going to hit me when I look into his eyes for the first time? Am I more nervous about the power of that feeling or about the potential that there is no feeling at all?