1. Jeb Bush: I'm the one my dad didn't love enough to name after himself
  2. Ben Carson: Republicans can vote for me and say they're not racist!
  3. Chris Christie: I have two first names and one of them is a girl's!
  4. Hillary Clinton: vote for me, a lady and also maybe a human chipmunk hybrid because look at my cheeks?
  5. Ted Cruz: maybe u remember me from my many films, mission impossible. What? No don't - don't do that don't open IMDb.
  6. Bernie Sanders: make history by electing me, the first president so old that he's actually already dead