Did I Really Just Say that?

Thus begins the list of awkward exchanges I have had with women over the past several months. Why oh why?
  1. Because of booze and wanting to see her was too obvious (duh)
    So I'd love to get your number so I can hear your band and talk more about bar tending. "Wow, you sure know how to make it confusing for a girl". **1 minute later** "oh, oh you are texting me now. Awesome".
  2. B is for Bumble
    So what do you do for work? "Well I'm a teacher, a middle school teacher". Oh so you must really enjoy a night cap on occasion "I go through bottles on the regular, that's what movie days are for. Oh those kids I swear, this one..." **hour time lapse** "I guess I just don't like people" check please.
  3. The morning after
    "Last night was fun! I love laying next to you. These past few weeks have been fun really, but I don't know... I guess I just don't feel sexually attracted to you anymore. Sorry, let's still be friends though?!" ... I don't, i.. Hm.
  4. My crazy fan club
    **homeless lady points and yells at me** "YOU ARE HOT! COME BACK MY WAY!" Thank you, I'm unfortunately running late
  5. Plus 1
    Hey Bill, I have 2 months to find a plus one for my friends wedding! **from the other room** "HAHAH! Not a chance" ... Silence
  6. #Momburn
    I used to have game, you know? I knew what to say, I could be standoffish yet enticing, I knew what I was doing. Then I got in and out of that relationship and now "and now you are a bitch"- my mom.