Things I should definitely do less

  1. Insist on learning French cuss words purely to have dignified road rage. "Dégage, branleur!"
    MUST be accompanied by a beret, thinly drawn on sharpie mustache and bumper sticker that reads "french bread babe"
  2. Lie to strangers that inquire about my life
    "Im actually just here for a couple weeks, I live up in Alaska as a professional iceberg mover for the International Ice Patrol"
  3. Constantly look up jobs that are offering a rollerblading waitress position
    There are NONE. INSANITY.
  4. Get unnecessarily mad about there being no rollerblading waitress positions to be filled
    I spent most of my childhood learning to rollerblade backwards and I refuse to admit that I can't put it to use.
  5. Forget to match
    this MUSTARD colored shirt with that GREEN skirt and some BLACK tights...cool. No, fuck looking in the mirror! You're a hawtie and colors make you pop!