A SUPER-CLASSY LIST OF DONALD TRUMP’S FAVORITE WORDS AND PHRASES, FOR EVERYONE WHO IS NOT A LOSER

We’ve compiled a list of his favorite words and phrases — some of which will definitely appear in Wednesday night's debate. Don't bother using them sparingly — repetition is key. http://nym.ag/1Kgp7p6
  1. amazing (adj.): The opposite of a loser. See classy.
  2. Ailes, Roger (n.): Great, a special guy, a good friend who runs a sometimes awful and unfair media organization. We spoke only two minutes ago.
  3. The Art of the Deal (n.): The best-selling guide to thinking big; required reading for all presidential candidates; the second-greatest book of all time. See Bible.
  4. bankruptcy (n.): Something that “many, many others on top of the business world" do; sometimes a "fantastic deal"; “really just a technical thing"; It's not "a failure, it's a success."
  5. Batman (n.): See Donald Trump.
  6. Bible (n.): The greatest book, even better than No. 1 best seller The Art of the Deal; "just incredible."
  7. bing bing bong bong bing bing bing (n.): The sound lobbyists make when they are controlling the losers that run this country.
  8. brand (n.): Something that is super classy and worth billions; an indescribable natural wonder that compels people to buy Donald Trump–brand water; a priceless commodity measured by the ever-changing weather patterns of Donald Trump’s feelings.
  9. Brand, Russell (n): Major loser; the wrong type of brand.
  10. buffoon (n.): A word low-energy people allegedly use to describe winners like Donald Trump. See clown, low-energy.
  11. Bush, George (n.): "Probably the worst president in the history of the United States."
  12. Bush, Jeb (n.): "A very, very low-energy person."
  13. China (n.): One of the reasons America is not great; a word that must be uttered Carrie Mathison–style — your entire face must look like it is chewing a piece of gum.
  14. Citizen Kane (n.): The best movie.
  15. civilly (adv.): How to treat people who don’t attack you first.
  16. classy (adj.): Anything topped with mahogany; any and all golf courses owned and operated by Donald Trump; anything generally excellent; the necklace you give your third wife.
  17. clown (n.): A word that haters and losers use to describe great guys like Donald Trump. See New York Daily News.
  18. daughter (n.): Someone with great genes who you might date if they weren't related to you.
  19. Democratic Party (n.) A political organization Donald Trump identified with in 2004; a political platform he would like to squash in 2016.
  20. deviant (n.): Anyone dumb enough to misunderstand Donald Trump’s good intentions; someone who makes menstruation jokes, e.g. Erick Erickson.
  21. Drudge, Matt (n.): A fantastic guy.
  22. The Drudge Report (n.): The best website.
  23. ego (n.): Something winners have and losers don't.
  24. English (n.): The language you should speak in the United States; the language in which you say, "Make America great again." See China, Mexicans.
  25. fantastic (adj.): Linguistic seasoning that turns sentences into quotes. See quotes, huge, loser.
  26. Fox News (n.): The backstabbing loser.
  27. golf (n.): A super-luxury game for classy people; something Donald Trump definitely doesn't cheat at.
  28. GOP (n.): An acronym where none of the letters stand for Trump, at least not yet; a weak entity that is defenseless against schemes to make America great again.
  29. great again (state of being): America under President Trump
  30. great athlete (n.): Tom Brady, Matt Harvey.
  31. great guy (n.): Tom Brady, John McCain, Jeff Sessions, Jerry Jones, Mark Cuban, Roger Ailes, Bill O'Reilly, Mike Ditka, Rush Limbaugh, Carl Icahn, Reince Priebus, and Jeff Zucker. See Matt Drudge.
  32. hair (state of being): A Cubist sculpture that defies the laws of physics and adds billions to Donald Trump’s brand.
  33. haters and losers (n.): People who fail to recognize that Trump and super classy are synonyms; the intended audience of 75 percent of Donald Trump tweets. See tweet.
  34. Head & Shoulders (n.): The best shampoo.
  35. huge (adj.): Impossible to ignore; a great adjective.
  36. huge(ly) class(y) (adj.): A generally excellent thing that is impossible to ignore. See Donald Trump.
  37. illegals (n.): Undocumented immigrants that “have to go”; criminals spreading Ebola; the people you have to build a wall for to keep out. ​See immigrants.
  38. immigrants (n.): Drug runners; luxury-hotel builders; possibly the people doing the raping.
  39. ISIS (n.): An awful terrorist organization that will be in "such trouble" when President Trump takes "them out so fast."
  40. journalists who write about Donald Trump (n.): People without great writing ability who are also not best-selling authors; dishonest slobs who don’t understand sarcasm. See loser.
  41. Kelly, Megyn (n.): A bimbo; someone who asks really unfair debate questions.
  42. lightweight (n.): An inconsequential person. See loser.
  43. loser (n.): Everyone who disagrees with Donald Trump; a person who is rendered useless by his inability to help increase the value of Donald Trump’s brand.
  44. love (v.): A synonym for met once or know, but far more succinct. Should preface most insults, criticisms, and compliments, in order to give them more weight — or at least increase the value of your brand.
  45. low-energy (adj.): Description for Republican presidential candidates who aren't Donald Trump — but are also not low enough in the polls to be called losers.
  46. Mexicans (n.): Rapists, criminals, or good people.
  47. Mexico Wall (n.): An easy, inexpensive fix to keep undocumented immigrants out of the U.S.
  48. Monopoly (n.): A game that is not Trump the Game and should thus be fired.
  49. moron (n.) See loser.
  50. New York Daily News (n.): A loser newspaper.
  51. orange (adj.): A super-luxury hair color; the color of a radiant sunbeam emanating from the brains of classy people that looks best combed forward until it reaches your nose, and then folded back.
  52. Obama, Barack (n.): An overrated world leader who may or may not have been born in the United States, no one really knows.
  53. overrated (adj.): A word that describes most haters and losers; all ideas Donald Trump disagrees with.
  54. Pattinson, Robert (n.): A classy actor who should not date Kristen Stewart.
  55. people who tweet “Fuckface Von Clownstick” (n.): Haters and losers who think they are so original. See haters and losers.
  56. political donations (n.): Wedding invitations.
  57. Putin, Vladimir (n.): Someone President Trump would have a great relationship with.
  58. quotes (n.): Donald Trump's greatest natural resource.
  59. real estate (n.): A way to make money that is solid, tangible, artistic, and beautiful. A great way to get your name on tall buildings.
  60. Running as an independent (n.): A super-luxury bargaining chip; a way to Inception into Reince Priebus’s dreams to give him nightmares.
  61. slob (n.) See loser.
  62. something terrific (adj.): What President Trump will replace Obamacare with.
  63. steak (n.): A slab of dead cow that becomes classy when you add the prefix Trump; a source of expensive energy that helps convert fat into ideas that raise the stakes; the subject of the classiest ad campaign of all time.
  64. super-luxury (adj.): More classy than luxury, but not as hugely classy as super-super-luxury.
  65. TEN BILLION DOLLARS (n.): Donald Trump’s net worth, according to Donald Trump.
  66. terrific (adj.): A word that compresses the sublime classiness of Donald Trump's ideas and friends into three syllables.
  67. the (art.): A definite article placed before given names to add billions to your brand.
  68. total loser (n.): Frank Luntz, Karl Rove, Rosie O’Donnell.
  69. Trump, Donald (state of being): “The very definition of the American success story."
  70. tweet (n.): A political platform; a way to call out losers. (v.): To strike fear in the hearts of one’s opponents.
  71. 2.9 billion dollars (n.): Donald Trump’s net worth, according to financial documents.
  72. ugly (adj.): See women.
  73. very pro-choice (adj.): Donald Trump's opinion on abortion in 1999.
  74. vodka (n.): Something that is not super-premium unless you attach the prefix Trump; something used to make Trump and Tonics and Trumptinis; a failed business idea that did not prove to be “success distilled.”
  75. war hero (n.): Someone who doesn’t get captured.
  76. Washington (n.): A dump.
  77. West, Kanye (n.): A much better person than most people think.
  78. Wharton School of Finance (n.): "The hardest, or one of the hardest schools to get into."
  79. wherever (n.): The female anatomy.
  80. whine (v.): Something winners do to win.
  81. winning (n.): The only word that will exist under President Trump, which seems like it might be monotonous, but you definitely won't get bored.
  82. women (n.): “Cow,” “pig,” “animal,” “grotesque;” “disgusting;” the sex Donald Trump cherishes and wants to help more than any other candidate.
  83. xenophobia (n.): Definitely not why Donald Trump is leading the GOP race in recent polls, no sir, absolutely not, Trump loves Japan, China, and Mexico. See immigrants, Mexicans.
  84. yes (n.): The only word people should use when talking with Donald Trump, if they know what’s good for them.
  85. zero (adj.): The number of chances Carly Fiorina has to win the Republican nomination; the probability that someone who is worth less than Trump’s Gucci store will become president.