Stand-up Jokes I'll probably never perform...

It's not that I don't want to, just don't think I have enough material.
  1. A troubleshooting guide becomes a lot more accurate name when helping you to operate a firearm.
  2. The other day my friend asked me if I wanted to go drag racing... I thought to myself, "I bet I could run pretty fast in heels".
    I was so sure I knew what he was talking about because the other day he was complaining how he blew a tranny...
  3. Instead of fast food, wouldn't it be perfect if In-n-out made condoms?
    Especially with the slogan: quality you can taste.
  4. Raincoats prevent you from getting wet; trenchcoats prevent you from getting into school.
  5. Do you think the word 'typo' is really just the word 'type' just spelt wrong.
  6. There are people with egos, and I think I am better than them.
  7. I had a one-legged waitress at IHOP, and all I could think of was: "of all the 24hr breakfast establishments, you chose this one".