The heart wants what it wants. And sometimes the heart wants to sexually objectify food mascots. (tribute to @jeffstern)
  1. Yellow Peanut M&M dude
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    I don't know what it is about this guy. He kind of has an unassuming Brad Garrett vibe. Definitely humble, cute, and obviously had a great sense of humor. 10/10 would definitely bang.
  2. Cheesasaurus Rex
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    There's something about this giant cheesy dinosaur from the Kraft Mac & Cheese commercials. He puts off strong paternal vibes, which feeds into my daddy issues. Into it. 8/10 would probably bang.
  3. Pillsbury Dough Boy
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    So gentle. You know he's definitely texting you back. He's just that kind of guy. I get vibes that he might be sexually repressed which is of course a deal breaker. 5/10 might bang.
  4. Mr. Peanut
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    I'm not going to sugar coat it for you. Brother clearly comes from old money. Mr. Peanut is on some Rockefeller/Vanderbilt type ish. He could get it any which way he wanted. 10/10 would absolutely bang.
  5. Dig 'Em -- Sugar Smacks Frog
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    Total bad boy. You know he carries a knife. Probably honed his business skills selling drugs in the projects before he made it big. Really "digging" his give no fucks attitude. 9/10 would bang.
  6. Ginger Chews Guy
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    This guy just fucking loves life. He appreciates the finer things. He also had no qualms about basically being a cannibal. He's probably into butt stuff. 8/10 would most likely bang.
  7. Chester Cheetah
    Cool af, v interested in chaos, stoned constantly, has a sexy voice, is heroin addict skinny - 8/10 would bang today, 11/10 would've banged in college
    Suggested by @cristin_milioti
  8. Tony the Tiger
    Seems to workout and, depending on angle / shading, have a kind of hot "post-fit / dad-bod/ "I used to do crossfit but gave up" look to him. Not entirely sure but the red bandana is some sort of gay coding for being a Dom or a sub. He's incredibly positive about cornflakes covered in sugar dust. 9/10 would bang.
    Suggested by @jeffstern