1. Richard Nixon
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    There’s really no other choice for the number one spot. The man looks great in suits, he has a dignified aquiline nose, and he was a super talented concert pianist. 100/100 would absolutely bang.
  2. William Howard Taft
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    Taft's debilitating obesity is kind of hot to me.  Feel like we could really get down on some good grub together.  Plus he was the last president with facial hair. Brother could "trust bust" me anytime if you know what I'm saying.
  3. Millard Fillmore
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    Millard Filmore only became president after William Henry Taylor got bad food poisoning at an Independence Day BBQ.  What can I say? I love a good underdog story. Plus he came up as a cloth maker's apprentice -- I love a guy who's good with his hands.  Plus I would low key save $$ on tailoring.
  4. Herbert Hoover
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    Herbert Hoover gets a bad rap cause he was followed up by FDR.  Sure, he was known to have possibly exacerbated the onslaught of the great depression, but come on, anyone's gonna look bad when they're followed by some saint in a wheelchair.
  5. William Henry Harrison
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    Poor William Henry Harrison.  He died of pneumonia only 30 days after taking office.  But there's something about that sickly, gaunt, Thom Yorke-esque pale skin, "he could contract a viral infection and die at any moment" vibe that you can't deny is kinda sexy.  Plus he only got sick because he refused to wear a coat or hat during his inauguration speech, which is so manly.
  6. John Tyler
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    John Tyler was a stalwart defender of slavery-- which makes him a total bad boy by today's standards.  You gotta love when a man stands up for what he thinks is right, even if he's actually totally wrong.
  7. James Buchanan
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    James Buchanan kind of looks like a zombie monster who crawled out of the crypt and put on a suit.  BUT he's also the only bachelor to ever be president so he gets a spot on the list because he's totally available / the only president I might have actually had a chance with. He was also missing his middle finger on his right hand-- don't even deny that guys missing fingers are kind of hot.