Last night I met 💘✨LISA FRANK✨💘 in the flesh. That's right-- LISA MOTHERFUCKING FRANK. It was a dream come true on so many levels -- as an up-and-coming sticker entrepreneur, she is my inspiration, my hero, my guiding light, and so much more. It was a huge turning point in my life, yet it was also so disappointing because she didn't give a shit.
  1. She is a tiny Jewish mom
    While most people might think that Lisa Frank is secretly a fat gay guy using a pseudonym, she is a real lady whose name is actually Lisa Frank. She is really tiny IRL and is like every naggy Jewish mom I've ever met.
  2. She is understated and chic
    She was wearing all black, but the best part was her tank top with a feather trim. I complemented her on this fabulous tank top and she lit up-- "I've had this for 10 years!" She excitedly told me about the designer and I lied and pretended to know who she was talking about.
  3. She did not care how much she meant to me
    I started to go into a semi-prepared speech about how much she means to me and our entire generation, and tried to communicate the best I could about how she's having a true cultural moment right now. I started to cry a little but she couldn't care less.
  4. She was drinking Rosé
    Of course. Makes so much sense.
  5. She told me about her cute son
    If I don't marry him, I will consider my entire life to be a failure