ACTIONS I HAVE CONSIDERED TAKING TO SECURE HOUSING IN THE BAY AREA

  1. Passionate interpretive dance
  2. Sobbing
  3. Lascivious looks
  4. Ritualistic sacrifice
  5. Eighteen Hail Marys at the top of my lungs
  6. Touching some butts
  7. Threatening to throw myself off the building if they don't offer it to me. (Good luck renting it after that!)
  8. Impersonation
  9. Lying facedown on the floor and refusing to move
  10. Racketeering
  11. Hunger strikes
  12. Writing 69 love songs about the landlord, sending them one at a time with a different box of baked goods each time