As someone who pretends not to buy into that bullshit but really does
  1. Taurus
    Everyone who saved my life has been a Taurus. They're all moms.
  2. Cancer
    Also all moms. Every mom in the world is a Cancer except for my mom (who is a Taurus and is largely the reason for #1 ranking of that particular sign)
  3. Gemini
    I feel like putting my own sign at #3 is like, "I think really highly of myself but also Keep It Real." I also feel like Geminis are unfairly maligned but also I am biased.
  4. Libra
    Libras CAN HANG.
  5. Aquarius
    Every Aquarius I know is my sorta crazy and I'm into it.
  6. Pisces
    LOVE YOU NEUROTIC DWEEBS!
  7. Aries
    The Arieses I know are either delightful or completely psychotic. Sometimes both.
  8. Leo
    Every Leo I know is way far up their own butt but it's justified so whatever.
  9. Capricorn
    I feel like I don't know a single Capricorn?? Where are youse all hiding?
  10. Virgo
    Ok but same as with Capricorns? Who's a Virgo? Do I know any at all?
  11. Sagittarius
    I feel judged by my Sagittarius buds but also I have no basis for that.
  12. Scorpio
    In case it wasn't clear, this list is super unreasonable and three people who broke my heart were Scorpios so I am BITTER. One of my most important friends is one though so they're not all bad.