HOW TO PULL RANK

  1. I run a standup showcase in Oakland once a month.
  2. It is objectively very well run.
    I have a coproducer and cohost and we both do a great job with it. Every comic who has been on it has told us that and meant it, seemingly.
  3. One dude on the lineup tonight like, JUUUUUST squeaked by in terms of getting booked.
    My cohost and I both think he's funny, and he is, but he's kind of a giant brat and not funny enough to pull that attitude off.
  4. I am a very meek person overall.
    Probably doesn't seem that way over text but I'm 5'2 and my speaking voice sounds like if Smurfette got into some klonopin.
  5. (Like, this is what happened last month when my cohost forgot to adjust the mic stand before I got onstage).
  6. But I am proud of my show and we have had 9 awesome months.
  7. So this difficult dude tried to talk shit on how I was running it.
    Just me, not my straight dude cohost.
  8. Including pointing out that the show tonight had the most women on it than he'd seen on other showcases (that weren't specifically woman themed).
    YEAH FUCKO WE DO THAT ON PURPOSE.
  9. And I wish I could remember exactly what he said before the show started but it was something questioning how I do things, in a really condescending way.
  10. And, in front of a few other comics on the lineup and several audience members, I just got HARDCORE IN THE FACE
  11. And looked (very far) up at him
  12. And said, "Are you seriously trying to alpha dog me on my own fucking show?"
  13. And he backed down.
  14. And had a decent set.
    Mine was better.
  15. And I have never felt more powerful in my life.
  16. It is my show and my cohost and I will run it any way we damn well please.
    And if you have an issue with that, I will gladly take your stagetime right back from you.