MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP

  1. I was in sixth grade at Ridgedale Middle School in Florham Park, New Jersey.
  2. I was aggressively unpopular.
    I'd like to say it was because I was smarter than everyone, but really it was because I acted like I was smarter than everyone and also I was really fucking weird. Plus, Florham Park ("Flo Po" was the regionalism for it) was very stereotypically NJ and I was a freckly redhead, so I stuck out like a sore thumb. (Having grown up there still fucks me over culturally because I'm still a freckly redhead, but I sound like Adriana from the Sopranos if she used a ton of Yiddish.)
  3. So my only shot at romance was Christopher, the kid who moved to town in the middle of sixth grade.
    I didn't realize this until now but he could have been my "Christuphuh"! Dammit!
  4. We had Social Studies together and sat next to each other but never talked. He also had the locker next to mine.
  5. A few weeks after he moved to FP, there was a middle school dance.
    By this point, I had told everyone in school that I thought he was cute.
  6. At one point during the dance, we stood about 6 feet away from each other while the rest of the grade stood around us in a circle, and admitted that we liked each other.
    It was loud so we had to shout.
  7. We slow danced after that.
    Also basically across the room from each other. (The whole, "put your fingertips on a boy's shoulders because you can barely reach them and sway for 3.5 minutes" move)
  8. I got to refer to him as my boyfriend for a month but we still never talked.
    We used to walk to class together on opposite sides of the hallway.
  9. I suddenly got too big for my britches and decided we should break up.
    I staged the breakup at our lockers. I told him, "I don't think we should date anymore." When he asked why, I just said, "Because I don't want to." 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻
  10. We continued never talking and then I went to a different school from seventh grade on.
  11. I just looked him up on Facebook and he got really hot.