MY POWER COAT

  1. Today, I am wearing my power coat.
  2. It is an enormous black leather coat with quilted lining. It goes almost down to my knees and was created for someone probably twice my size.
    Twice my width AND length.
  3. "Why is this giant garment that makes me look like a square vagrant my power coat?" you ask, probably.
  4. Because a few Christmas Eves ago, my mother (knowing she is terrible at Christmas presents) told me, "There's one surprise this year, but your sister told me it was stupid, so I'm not sure about it anymore."
    My mother is an amazing woman with many fine qualities, and she is also TERRIBLE at presents. So, so bad. And she doubles down on that terribleness by doubting herself and revealing her (usually mismanaged) presents way too early.
  5. I told her to wait until the next day and I'd tell her if it was a typical misfire, but she was undeterred and went to her closet.
  6. She took out this coat! I knew this coat.
  7. She explained that she got it re-lined (the lining was falling out for as long as I could remember) despite the fact that the person repairing it said that it probably wasn't worth it (since it was and is OLD AS HELL).
  8. I'll just quote my mom directly for this part, "And then I told that jackass that it was worth it for ME, because this was always my daughter's favorite coat of mine when she was little!"
    My mom's favorite thing to call rude people is "jackass" followed closely by "rat bastard."
  9. Which is true, I distinctly remember convincing her to wear this all the time when I was a toddler, because it's the softest leather in the world and I always rubbed my face on it.
  10. "And you had the cutest little face, so I always wore it even when I didn't want to!" - my mom
  11. And now nothing can hurt me when I wear this coat!
  12. Because I used to rub my face in it!
  13. And I still can as long as I'm sneaky about it!
  14. Because now it's mine to do whatever I want with it! Including surreptitious face-rubs when I'm having a hard day!
  15. My mom is far away but I have her huge ugly coat, so that's something.