ON BEING A LESBIAN DATING A MAN

  1. So obviously that's a weird premise.
  2. And obviously that is confusing given that I have previously identified myself as bisexual/queer/straight-adjacent/etc.
  3. So I'll try to explain myself as normally as I can even though I'm fully aware this makes no sense.
  4. I'm gay.
  5. Like, super gay.
  6. I have known this and ignored this for a while.
  7. I am also monogamously dating a man and do not feel like I am missing out on anything.
  8. So, how's that possible?
  9. I'm lazy and dating men is easier.
    I'm not unattracted to men and because that's the case, I can default to straight when dudes ask me out, try to make out, whatever. Navigating society is much easier when I date men.
  10. My boyfriend knows that I am gay.
    Before we dated, he'd seen me do standup about how I primarily go after women. He wasn't threatened by that or by the fact that I spend all my free time with my ex boyfriend who is also a man and who has seen me naked in the past. I am dating the most secure man in the world and I am very lucky.
  11. I am not tied to the idea of being put into any one particular classification.
    I call myself a lesbian because it checks off the most boxes in terms of my attraction patterns, appearance, and personal politics. That doesn't encompass everything about me but it is really hard trying to figure out how to refer to myself.
  12. I don't pretend to know how hard it is being visibly queer in the world as it is right now.
    I'm hiding in plain sight and my life is very easy because of it.
  13. So I'm lucky that my contradictory identity is the kind that makes it a lot easier for me to go through the world.
    Being a lesbian dating a man is a lot easier than what I had to deal with as a straight woman dating a woman.
  14. My own sexuality fluctuates wildly to the extent that I'll probably make another list that makes no sense in a few months.
  15. But just in case anyone else is dealing with this brand of confusion, you're not alone.