My coworker brought her baby in last week and I'm still reeling.
  1. Babies love me. All babies. I'm that rando who gets your baby to stop crying when it's having a prolonged screaming party.
    No idea why this is, but probably because I also have a disproportionately large head and they sense the kinship.
  2. And I love all babies!
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    They smell so good and their squishy bodies were made to rest on my hip. Look how happy I am here.
  3. I am a confident baby-holder.
    My little sister is 10 years younger than I am and I spent all of high school and my breaks in college babysitting her friends. I still find myself doing the instinctive "rock back and forth" thing whenever I'm holding anything with any heft.
  4. None of my friends have babies!
    I'm 24 so I don't know how much longer I can say that, but it's bullshit and I need more babies in my life.
  5. I don't want kids of my own so I will not try to steal your baby.
    Probably.