REASONS YOU SHOULD LET ME HANG OUT WITH YOUR BABY

My coworker brought her baby in last week and I'm still reeling.
  1. Babies love me. All babies. I'm that rando who gets your baby to stop crying when it's having a prolonged screaming party.
    No idea why this is, but probably because I also have a disproportionately large head and they sense the kinship.
  2. And I love all babies!
    They smell so good and their squishy bodies were made to rest on my hip. Look how happy I am here.
  3. I am a confident baby-holder.
    My little sister is 10 years younger than I am and I spent all of high school and my breaks in college babysitting her friends. I still find myself doing the instinctive "rock back and forth" thing whenever I'm holding anything with any heft.
  4. None of my friends have babies!
    I'm 24 so I don't know how much longer I can say that, but it's bullshit and I need more babies in my life.
  5. I don't want kids of my own so I will not try to steal your baby.
    Probably.