THINGS I'D LIKE TO SEE HAPPEN BUT NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE HAPPEN MYSELF

  1. OITNB but all the Pennsatucky flashbacks are replaced with clips from Crossroads.
    I scour YouTube for this once a week. The people (me) are clamoring (musing quietly) for it!
  2. A modern day retelling of Macbeth where it's all about Lady Macbeth and also they fix the dumbass prophecy cop-outs.
    Sorry I called Shakespeare a dumbass but what I mean is that, even when I read it as a kid I was like, "This is bull". In particular, the prophecy, "No man of woman born can fuck your shit up," and then Macduff comes swording in all like "I WAS FROM MY MOTHER'S WOMB UNTIMELY RIPPED," and we're supposed to think that's an acceptable loophole? I was a c-section too, Duffstuff, that's still being born. In my imaginary Macbeth, Macduff is gestated and birthed by a transman.
  3. Frank Ocean and Rihanna's genetic material combined.
    Ok this is actually not something I could make on my own. I just really want them to make a child and then we can all worship that child as God intended.
  4. A version of "I Really Like You" where the reallys just keep going on forever.
    The current version is not enough for me; I need fifteen minutes of Carly Rae Jepsen saying "really" over and over again.
  5. Pedicured feet/waxed upper lip.
    These would both be so easy to accomplish but I don't FEEL like it so my feet are going to stay gross and I'm going to continue to embrace my lustrous mustache.