THINGS I DID THIS WEEK WHILE SOBER

This is the first full week in a while that I haven't had any beers at all.
  1. 1.
    Tried to call my mom at least 10 times but she never answered.
    She answers her texts JUST FINE, I've noticed. This isn't related to me not drinking I'm just really peeved about it!
  2. 2.
    Woke up on the floor.
  3. 3.
    Did not work out one bit.
    #whateva the friend I work out with hurt her ankle and I have no self-motivation and I'm fine with losing all my muscle tone because nothing in my life matters now that the dreamy fish man at the farmers market is in ALASKA for a month
  4. 4.
    Sent my ex an 11:30pm email of 2 of the same giant cat picture and just the text "everything okay?"
    See previous list
  5. 5.
    Texted my friend all the pictures from the @brendohare list of Jerry Seinfeld in a bee costume pictures. (12:03am)
    That list changed my life and I needed to spread its gospel
  6. 6.
    Watched sports and yelled swears.
    I love watching sports and yelling, and despite what THE LIBERAL MEDIA may tell me, beer is not required for those activities! Who knew!
  7. 7.
    Cried thinking about the smallest dog I ever saw.
    It was just SO SMALL I'm still not okay about it!!
  8. 8.
    Sustained a mysterious injury.
    In the form of a GIANT BRUISE on the back of my calf???