THINGS I HOPE SPEAK TO MY QUALITY OF CHARACTER

  1. I'm going to officiate a wedding for two of my former roommates
    This may be a bit misleading, since it's not like they were strangers and then needed me to make their wedding day extra special. They were both good friends of mine before I lived with them, but I still think it's nice that even though we were living 5 people to a two-bedroom, they still love me enough to ask me to OFFICIATE THEIR GODDANG WEDDING.
  2. All the bartenders at my bar love me
    Even Shitty Christopher gives me free drinks, and when he does I still tip for them.
  3. Every dog I've ever met has wanted to be my friend
    This is a big one. I love all dogs and all dogs love me.
  4. Cats love me, too
    I don't put as much stock in this one because I think cats just love anyone who's allergic to them
  5. I'm my therapist's favorite client
    She has told me. That's inappropriate but I don't care.
  6. At least five strangers have told me I have a kind or honest face
    At least five strangers have been very drunk at me.
  7. I'm constantly panicking about whether or not I'm a good person, so I make lists like this
  8. Several people who HATE that I smoke have told me they now find the smell of cigarettes comforting because of me
    I'm perpetually quitting but this feels like a personal victory