WHAT I SAID TO INANIMATE OBJECTS THIS WEEK
- •"Excuse me, excuse me!"To the items in my purse I shuffled around while looking for my phone.
- •"Not today, Satan."To the gym as I walked past it.
- •"🎶Why you gotta be so ruuuuuude🎶"To the Yelp page that told me the bike place is closed on Sundays.
- •"Look at you! So nice! I'm so excited to eat you!"To a quesadilla.
- •"Why do bad things happen to good people?"To my wifi router.
- •"You complete me."To a particularly good nectarine.
- •"CALIFORNIA IS ENTIRELY BULLSHIT."To a picture of a bagel.