WHY I RELATE TO MY NEIGHBOR'S CAT

This animal will be the death of me.
  1. My neighbors have a fat grey cat named Odie.
  2. Ever since I moved in, he yells at me every time I enter the yard.
    I'm not even sure it counts as meowing because it's very purposeful and aggressive.
  3. At first, I did not know what he wanted.
    I figured he just wanted to yell at me because he's a dick.
  4. Then one night my friend and I were sitting in her car outside the yard talking and he saw me and started yelling again.
    Typical Odie, being a shit.
  5. He then climbed out of the yard and tried to force his way into the car.
    Bold.
  6. When that didn't work, he went to passive-aggressively run into traffic, at which point I jumped out of the car and scooped him up.
  7. He then started purring immediately.
    THIS MUHFUG JUST WANTED TO BE PICKED UP AND BOUNCED LIKE A BABY AND WENT TO EXTREME MEASURES TO GET THERE.
  8. I asked my roommates, he doesn't do this to anyone else.
  9. I am violently allergic to cats.
  10. So, I relate to Odie because he seeks out people who are bad for him, yells at them so that they give him attention, and when they don't respond the way he wants, he tries to run into traffic.
  11. He is ruining my life.