Bullshit Office Emails

I am a freelance publicist, but every now and then I pick up short contract positions for a secure boost in funds. Sometimes I work in offices and it is the WORST.
  1. Please advise.
    This is a passive aggressive way of saying "solve my problem before everything else on your to do list because nobody's issue is as important as mine".
  2. Memos to entire office about one person's mistake
    People who do this are assholes. It's mean, petty, passive aggressive, and unnecessary. Usually this is over something totally trivial.
  3. *unsolicited reminder about how to do my job*
    I get this fairly often because I am young. But, here's the thing. I am hired to do a thing. I know how to do the thing. That is why I was hired to do the thing. I do not need to be told how to do the thing just because you are not watching me do the thing 24/7.
  4. Questions I could easily answer if you just talked to me like a person.
    Get up from your desk and walk to my desk! Or call my desk! It's not hard!
  5. If you can try to remember to Reply All, that would be helpful so I don't have to bug you like this!
    1. Who are you? 2. You're not my boss. I just met you yesterday and your polo shirt collar was popped. 3. No.
  6. PER my previous email, PER yesterday's meeting
    Thanks, @jfout. This is awful, too. Where did this even come from?