Life Moments That Made Me Think I Was Being Punk'd

Sometimes shit happens that makes me think I must be on a horrible hidden camera show. But, nope! It's my real actual adult life.
  1. Coworkers twerked during a serious meeting.
    I was discussing fear of job security with an employer and my (white) coworker barged in to announce she was taking private twerk lessons and proceeded to demonstrate. Both of them twerked as I waited for a serious answer about the future of my job. I was uncomfortable. But, I didn't get laid off!
  2. Teen hit on me while buying pregnancy test.
    I was in the makeup aisle after picking up the test (because who buys JUST a pregnancy test?) and this yung fuccboi tried to get my number. I intentionally dropped my haul and he got flustered handing the EPT box to me.
  3. Tinder date vomits mid-shower sex.
    Not ON me. Just like... In the toilet while I was still in the shower. He said he was sorry he had "just taken 3 adderall." Other thing that happened: a surprise dog came into the room and licked my face during couch sex. 2 years later, still the wildest (but not worst?) thing to happen to me via Tinder.
  4. Covered with blood & snot on Parents Day
    I used to teach improv to kids and on a day when all the parents were at the studio, one horrible demon child got the worst nosebleed I had ever seen. He freaked out and ran over to me covering me with his blood and boogers. I had never met his parents before so...that was a great first impression.
  5. White boss says N-word to demonstrate anti-racism
    A former employer said people are too PC these days and that their black friends didn't get offended when they called them the N word. I knew where this convo was going but no matter how many times I said STOP TALKING in my head, they kept going. I quit really soon after this.