Things Hairdressers Have Said to Me

  1. "I'm not doing that."
    I requested bangs.
  2. "Your scalp is no joke, honey."
    It's very dry, thanks for asking.
  3. "Are you sure?"
    Multiple salons, multiple hairdressers, the same question whenever I want a bob.
  4. "You have beautiful hair. This is princess hair!"
    It's true and this compliment is very important to me.
  5. "Don't you dare bleach this. If you come back with bleach damage, I will kick your ass."
    Beauty school of hard knocks, obviously.
  6. "What is this? 2007?"
    When I half joked about getting ombré color and pretended that I didn't secretly want it and that it definitely was not the whole reason I made the hair appointment. In 2015.
  7. "I just love DJ's. I want to make out with all of them."
    This is my current stylist.
  8. "They just have so much charisma, I want to soak it all up."
    She is the best at salon small talk.
  9. "One time I made out with Diplo. No one believes me but I could pick his mouth out of a lineup.
    I love her.