Things I Refuse to Explain to My Dad

Some things are better left unsaid.
  1. This hand symbol
    Back in '05, we saw it on a bumper sticker when he was dropping me off at school and when he asked me what it meant, I jumped out of the car and told him to google "shocker hand" as I fled the scene. He texted me (again, this was 2005 when each text used to cost $) to tell me he was mad at my generation.
  2. Netflix and chill
    His fave reply when I ask what his weekend plans are and since he can give me an exact plot synopsis for each episode of Gilmore Girls, I'm pretty sure he means this innocently. I'm not about to correct him.
  3. How I actually met my boyfriend
    I met him on Tinder (I Met My Boyfriend on Tinder) and I lied about how we met pretty early on because my dad knows it's a hookup app thanks to Dateline and/or Yahoo! News. He also reallllllllllly dislikes my boyfriend so bringing up the truth about how we met would only make things worse.