Thoughts During a Bad Improv Show
As the improviser, not the audience. Sometimes one at a time, sometimes all at once. Mostly expletives.
- •"shitshitshitshitshitshit"The panic sets in, your eyes widen, you feel the urge to dart off stage and run across the top of your audience's heads through the door onto the street with the rest of today's garbage. Because that's what you are. Hot smelly garbage in a flannel shirt.
- •"DAMMIT, JERRY."Or Beth or Miles or whoever that one teammate is you can never quite connect with. You don't think they're funny and/or they are an actual trash human. Why are they here??? You've practiced together long enough that you can predict the next awful thing they'll say but you can't stop it from happening.
- •"I'll save you!"You are watching from the sidelines and decide to go for the Hail Mary. A ridiculous accent, a daring physical feat, anything new and different and NOT what is currently happening to make things better. It doesn't get better. You've made it worse. You are THAT GUY.
- •"What the hell do I do with my hands?"No one is letting you speak but you're still in the scene. Do you leave? No, that's awkward. You try to remember what you were pantomiming before. What the hell were you doing? You don't know. It doesn't matter. Now, you're drinking a glass of water. Yeah...this is good.
- •Rage at the audience, no coherent thoughtsMAYBE WE WOULD BE DECENT IF THIS FUCKING AUDIENCE WOULD STOP YELLING SUGGESTIONS LIKE PENIS OR SPORK. OR IF THOSE SILENT PRICKS WOULD REACT TO LITERALLY ANYTHING.
- •FUCK ALL OF YOU, I'M AN ARTISTDid Amy Poehler ever have this problem?!?
- •Oh, well.That's it. That's the show. When are they coming to put you down in the alley like a wounded racehorse?