Top Yoga Poses for Dealing With Your Horrible Life

Is your life the worst? Yoga can't fix it. But, it can provide you with some much needed distraction. Here are the top 5 yoga poses to help you de-stress, re-energize, and cope with the soul sucking numbness of your everyday life. (📁Was originally going to be an April Fools blog post for work, ended up getting #tooreal.)
  1. Why God Why Pose
    For when you are so bereft of hope that you can do nothing else but raise your hands to the heavens and ask whatever cruel being is up there how your life ended up this way. Tuck your toes and lift your back knee for an extra balance challenge.
  2. Finally Some Goddamn Peace and Quiet Pose
    For when you need a break from your terrible child's morning meltdown, your boss's incessant nagging over that report you can't bring yourself to care about, or JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ALAN IF YOU HATE MY COOKING SO MUCH STOP COMPLAINING AND DO IT YOURSELF. Excellent stretch for the neck and shoulders.
  3. Small Victory Pose
    For when your life is so shitty that the best part of your day is when you are literally taking a massive dump. Whether it's on your boss's desk or your neighbor's doorstep, this pose cleanses and detoxifies your system for maximum release.
  4. I've Officially Given Up Pose
    For when you've completely given up on life and are merely waiting for the sweet release of death - or at the very least a power nap - to save you from the suffering you endure every waking moment of your miserable life. Variation: place a bolster under your face to muffle your tortured sobs of defeat until everyone gets the hint and leaves you alone.