Requested by T.T.

What Made Me Love My Job Today

You meant well, @TT.
  1. The funny thing is...I don't have one.
  2. For the first time since I was 15 years old.
    From Coldstone girl to summer camp counselor to admin assistant to concert promoter to wedding planner... I have been working non stop since I was in high school. I value my independence and my work ethic.
  3. And, I am actually (temporarily) okay with it.
    This isn't a forever thing.
  4. Since graduating from undergrad, I have worked in a series of really unhealthy work environments.
  5. At best, I worked a full time job, along with 2 other part time jobs averaging about 50-60 hours a week.
    The full time job was rewarding and gave me lots of important skills but obviously did not pay me enough to live. I was at a nonprofit, and I felt obligated to stay for the good of the cause. Not healthy.
  6. At worst, I had a job I thought would be fulfilling but ended up being borderline traumatic.
    It was too good to be true and no matter how much I produced, it was never good enough for my boss. I barely slept, I rarely ate. Every day made me highly anxious and deeply unhappy.
  7. I decided to work for myself.
    I transitioned to strictly freelance, occasionally taking on long term and full time projects. I like the freedom and the schedule; and in the future, I can 100% see myself running my own business, but it doesn't feel right yet.
  8. I am a passionate person who goes confidently in the direction of my goals and usually achieves them. The problem is I don't have a goal right now.
    I thought I was going to be a musician. I thought I was going to be a lawyer. I thought I was going to do marketing. Part of me wants to write. Part of me specifically wants to write comedy. Part of me wants to go back to music. The truth is I have absolutely no clue where to go from here because I have a crisis of too many possibilities.
  9. I have a fair amount of money saved and I want to give myself time to think.
    I don't want to head hastily into another shitty work situation. I can't waste anymore of my life on that for the sake of my career at the detriment of my mental health.
  10. But, I am also interviewing for a few full time jobs because I'm not an idiot and I don't want to go broke/be without insurance while I am figuring it out.
  11. I thought I was someone who needed my work to be a main source of joy and my top priority. But now, I am seriously reconsidering that characterization of myself and the possibility that I might need to adapt to be more like those "work to live" people.
    My default work personality is to throw myself into it completely but I realize now that is not a sustainable way for me to live. Maybe work doesn't have to be one of the greatest joys of my life, and I should focus on making time for myself outside of that.
  12. Maybe I want to make art for a living. Maybe I just want to work somewhere that will give me the time to breathe and have a life outside of work where I can create things. I honestly don't know.
    I feel like most Listappers enjoy their jobs and I hope I get to a place where that is true for me.
  13. In the meantime, I am unemployed, taking online courses, reading books, traveling with my boyfriend, and writing writing writing.
    The writing will always be important. That won't change.
  14. I love this lack of job right now because I am finally being kind to myself.
    I gave myself room to breathe. I am forgiving myself for mistakes. I am reminding myself what is important.