Requested by @kamina
  1. Let's just get this out of the way. DO NOT shove it in your ass. Just don't
  2. Put a lemon in it. And put it on the back of your toilet. Congratulations, you're good at decorating.
  3. Call it the Grand Mason jar and ask it about the illuminati. Do it after Kate has gone to sleep. She's getting worried
  4. Smash the jar. Throw it on the ground and scream. Do this outside so the shards don't hurt Alex's feelings
  5. Lock a mason jar in the basement. Name it Alex. Bring Alex small treats so he knows you're doing this for his own good
  6. Again, I don't care what you've seen on the Internet. DO 👏🏻 NOT 👏🏻 SHOVE 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 MASON 👏🏻 JAR 👏🏻 IN 👏🏻 YOUR 👏🏻 ASS 👏🏻
  7. Use it to store little notes you write to yourself throughout the year. Open it on Dec 31st and get angry when all of the notes say "where's the beef?"
  8. It's been 12 months. Take the lemon filled mason jar off of your toilet and eat the contents to gain their power.
  9. Free Alex from these earthly chains. Release him!
  10. Put a citronella candle inside of it for ambient patio light which also helps keep away mosquitos