Requested by @kamina
  1. Although the most famous turtles are named after Renaissance artists, the happiest turtles are named after TV chefs
  2. Turtles are renowned for being slow. They are actually in a perpetual state of stasis until the secret word is uttered. Then they become the fastest reptile. Try screaming various words at turtles to unlock the secret. Never give up
  3. Turtles have shells. This is known. What is commonly overlooked is that they also have great personalities, if only you'd give them a chance, m'lady
  4. A group of two turtles is called a "twotle". Three turtles is called "having too many turtles"
  5. A turtle was initially supposed to be the mascot for McDonald's. This was found to be too creepy, as people associated it with eating turtle meat. A clown was quickly substituted, as people think eating clown meat is fine