Lies about turtles
- •Although the most famous turtles are named after Renaissance artists, the happiest turtles are named after TV chefs
- •Turtles are renowned for being slow. They are actually in a perpetual state of stasis until the secret word is uttered. Then they become the fastest reptile. Try screaming various words at turtles to unlock the secret. Never give up
- •Turtles have shells. This is known. What is commonly overlooked is that they also have great personalities, if only you'd give them a chance, m'lady
- •A group of two turtles is called a "twotle". Three turtles is called "having too many turtles"
- •A turtle was initially supposed to be the mascot for McDonald's. This was found to be too creepy, as people associated it with eating turtle meat. A clown was quickly substituted, as people think eating clown meat is fine