THINGS I LEARNED FROM HAVING A COLD
Apart from the occasional sniffle I haven't had a legit cold for more than 5 years. But I've got one now and here's what I've learned so far.
- •A cold is not strep, even if you want it to be.I was praying for a positive strep test or anything that could be medicated with antibiotics. Denied. And so begins 7-12 days of misery.
- •It gets better before it gets worse.Three days in I thought I was through the worst of it but I was so wrong. Day 5 knocked me on my ass and I've been trying to bounce back ever since.
- •Generic cough medicine tastes like shit.I should've splurged on the name brand, especially since I take it four times a day. Also you have to show ID to buy cough medicine now?
- •NyQuil and Vaporub are a winning combination.Popping that little green pill and slathering my face and neck with that eucalyptus goodness has become the highlight of my day.
- •I am a tissue snob.Name brand with lotion is too greasy and generic with no lotion is too rough. Generic with lotion is the sweet spot. I'm currently on my second box.
- •Gravity is not my friend.Bad things happen the second I bend over to pick something up or tilt my head. Cold medicine should come with an immobilizing neck brace.
- •Colds can make your teeth hurt.Apparently it's got something to do with the pressure in your sinus cavities? All I know is that shit feels weird.
- •My body contains an ocean of snot.I blow and I blow and I blow and it just keeps coming. It is endless and so fucking gross. I feel like I'm drowning. I have tissues stashed in my pockets at all times and carry the box around my house like a proper weirdo.
- •It's worth it to set an alarm for 2AM to take more cold medicine.It's when you're sleeping. That's when the cold gains the high ground.
- •Eating and drinking is gross.I love food and drink water like it's going out of style but a cold ruins everything. I knew it was important to stay hydrated and keep my strength up but I just didn't care.
- •Wonton soup > chicken noodle soupI don't know why but chicken soup totally grossed me out this time. But my local Chinese place got to know me real well because wonton soup was one of the only things I could stomach.
- •Colds make me a crybabyI don't know how many times I complained and whined about dumb, meaningless stuff. I ran out of tissues. My soup isn't hot enough. I'm thirsty but don't want to drink anything. Super annoying.
- •My pride abandons me after 48 hours of sustained illness.Makeup? Cute hair? Clean house? Don't make me laugh. It's a miracle I got out of bed and showered. Sorry I look as crappy as I feel. Now pass the tissues because o have to blow my nose for the millionth time.
- •Moral of the story?Colds are the worst.