WHY "POSSUM KILLER"?
An awesome request from @annalara!
- •I'm terrified of possums.That's not a word I use lightly. Terrified. They haunt my dreams.
- •Normally this wouldn't be a big deal but weirdly, there was a five-year stretch when I saw them a lot.Like at least once a week. I'd be walking to class or work early in the morning and a giant possum would dart out in front of me.
- •And every time I saw one I froze. And nearly peed my pants.Because they're filthy and disgusting and have giant rat tails and fifty (50!) horrible teeth meant to rip the flesh from my body.
- •My friends and family find this hilarious.Nothing amuses them more than my fear.
- •Seriously, it's like their favorite thing ever.I get emails and texts with possum photos. Stuffed animals. Birthday cards. One of my uncles calls me "Possum Queen" as a term of endearment.
- •One night years ago I was driving home from a friend's house when a possum darted out into the road.And I ran it over. I like to think that I would've swerved to miss it if I could (not an option at the time) but if I'm being totally honest...? Hard to say for sure.
- •So it was dead. DEAD.And I did a little dance of joy. (Heartless? Cruel? DON'T CARE. I'm happy now just thinking about it.)
- •Because possums are the worst!
- •I called my parents to brag about it...and when my dad picked up the phone I shouted "One less soldier in Satan's Army!" (At first he was very confused, but then he thought it was funny.)
- •Word spread and I started getting emails addressed to "Miranda Marshall: Possum Killer"
- •And the rest is history.