25 Mistakes I Must Stop Making

  1. 1.
    Talking about the work I have to do, instead of doing it.
  2. 2.
    Lying in bed for long periods of time without actually sleeping, then wondering why I'm so poorly rested.
  3. 3.
    Driving with my windows down to make up for never actually going outside for the day
  4. 4.
    Spending money on food, rather than actual things that last longer than (insert whatever time length it'd take for me to inhale said food)
  5. 5.
    "Rewarding myself" by going out drinking simply because I didn't do it the exact day before
  6. 6.
    Going to the same spots every weekend and assuming I'm a little less boring than my fellow university students just because my spots have less frat bros and more art students
    Uptown is no worse than the crown. I'm getting drunk and dancing with sleazy dudes in the same spot every weekend. Stop being pretentious.
  7. 7.
    Planning enough time in the shower to masturbate, but never planning enough time in my day to meditate
  8. 8.
    Watching/imagining/reliving fights, creating unneeded tension in my body.
  9. 9.
    Assuming that 24 hrs of scrolling without posting on social media counts as a social media-free day.
  10. 10.
    Doing my makeup in the car
    Like, what the fuck do I really not care about my life that much?
  11. 11.
    Abandoning the idea of object permanence/forgetting the existence of my clothes in the laundry room simply because I don't fucking see them
  12. 12.
    Overbooking my life simply because I want people to love me, knowing that I don't have the time/money/emotional strength to handle being around too many people
  13. 13.
    Feeling bad for canceling with everyone, simply because I'm overbooked and overwhelmed
  14. 14.
    Assuming every job I apply for is a job I already have
    Can't tell you how many times I've argued with my parents about the salary of the job I'm "about to get" that has never called me back
  15. 15.
    Advising other people on their mental health, when mine is a fucking minefield
  16. 16.
    Advising other people in general without taking my own advice.
    My life is a mess.
  17. 17.
    Eating in bed.
  18. 18.
    Committing to nail biting as my only routine grooming ritual.
  19. 19.
    Not giving scar tissue the respect it deserves/picking at old shit and making things worse
    Literally/figuratively
  20. 20.
    Refusing to write things down because "my memory is great," even though I know I have a trillion things flying through my head at once
  21. 21.
    Postponing important conversations with people because I fear they'll tell me they don't think the sun shines out of my ass
    My boss will rightfully confront me on my lack of effort over the past few weeks and I will take it bc it's what I deserve.
  22. 22.
    Allowing people irrelevant to my progress to grant/deny me permission to do great things
    I.e., Twitter polling whether or not I should go be productive or stay inside watching Chowder and being more of a blob of wasted energy
  23. 23.
    Asking The Universe© when my time will come, as if I'm unaware that The Universe© is a hand crank
    If I work for it, it'll work for me
  24. 24.
    Daydreaming about how wonderful life would be if I were smaller, rather than making it wonderful now.
    I will never be 5'2", 90-something pounds with big eyes and small appendages. Deal with it and make 5'10", 100-mumble-mumble pounds, with small eyes and big everything else feel good.
  25. 25.
    Pretending I'm not a piece of shit covered in glitter, just like everyone else.