fly in milk

or, small snapshots of being a black girl in white spaces
  1. having to stare at the cedar paneling in an all-white bar smack dab in the center of hipster territory to avoid the horn-rimmed glares directed your way because you joined in james brown's call-and-response, "Say it loud! i'm black and i'm proud"
    and noticing how the little russian bartender with pigtails didn't get looked at funny for dancing along with it
  2. being a guy's "first black girl" and also being the only person he's slept with who understands his struggle as a black man
  3. having someone tell you that you "look like you can handle yourself" after asking them to protect you in unfamiliar places
  4. having to actually handle yourself after being attacked in many different instances
  5. given the "de facto" title of "Mama" because you have to handle yourself and sometimes other people
  6. being the one in charge and still have your word be doubted, but the person below you "feels more reliable" bc white
  7. crying in a car for being pulled over without reason while your friend eats pizza in the passenger seat because his presence as a white man might deflect the automatic discrimination
    and feeling he was the only reason it went smoothly
  8. taking months to post pictures of yourself and still giving qualifiers in captions because you're not allowed to be/succeed as a non-model, non-specialized version of yourself as a creative on the internet
  9. scrolling for a whole minute when googling "beautiful girl" and giving up when none of them look like you
  10. still feeling like maybe it's just you when it's definitely not just you.