Because I like a nice date, but hate actually dating.
  1. Jamaican Dancehall
    not those bitch ass clubs that have Caribbean night and play Work forty times. the grimy basement of a masonic lodge with aunties and coolers of red stripe. the dj plays six different melodies over the same riddim. you wine on your date in a corner and get a buzz off the humid air alone.
  2. The Mall
    yeah, the mall. but not to shop. you know those people who always wanna get you to try some shit out? let them. but, create a whole different version of yourself and tell them small deta-lie to the lotion sellers. whoever makes the most absurd lies and gets them to say "never mind" to trying to sell shit wins.
  3. Road Trip
    Gets all the necessary steps of a relationship that people don't wanna go through out the way. The first argument stage, seeing you asleep (but not in the cute way) stage, farting in front of them stage, road head stage, etc. also how adventurous and cute! take loads of pics for the gram.
  4. Day drinkin and walking around the city
    I only say this because i just went on a date yesterday and the guy got me drunk on bubbles in the restaurant he owned (???) and showed me his fig tree. It was pretty cool, partially because i think he owns enough of that part of the city that he could walk behind the bar, take a bottle of prosecco, walk me out and casually say hi to everyone on the street without getting dirty stares for being buzzed at lunch.
  5. Mac Makeovers
    I assume your date/you aren't too whiny about getting your face beat with some expensive shit. Good photo op and bonding moment. Also you can buy makeup with them, if you want.
  6. Pumpkin Patch
    makin out on the hay ride is a right of passage for kids who grew up around pumpkin patches.
  7. Laser tag and a pedicure
    because whoever loses at laser tag has to pay for the pedicures.
  8. home face masks
    grab a bowl of cereal and watch some spongebob while you wait for the masks to set. might lead to bath time fun if you want.
  9. also here's part 1