How I Got My Septum Pierced

  1. In high school, I was in love with this metal head named Wes
    He was into "Old School" metal. Very much. He has a sleeve with the covers of Divine Intervention and Master of Puppets tattooed on him.
  2. I was so into his stupid ass
    I wore his shirts, I gave him food, I ignored my work to spend time dealing with his problems... So basically the same shit I do now, except more innocent and virginal.
  3. I was also bored with myself
    I hadn't yet shaved my head, but I had a blonde streak in the front. I was bored with my look. I wanted something new.
  4. In the middle of our conversation one night, I told him I wanted my septum pierced.
    Scarlett Johansson had one. Wes had one. Dennis Rodman had one.
  5. I told him I wanted him to do it.
    Because I'm a fuckin weirdo and I assume that trusting him enough to possibly paralyze my face and getting us to do some crazy shit together means that we're bonded together and that would lead to... Idk I was young and weird.
  6. He told me to wait.
    "Buy a needle online" he said. "Get a professional to do it," he said.
  7. But fuck that. I wanted it. I wanted him to do it. And I wanted him to do it immediately.
  8. So, I took a jumbo diaper pin,
  9. Snipped it with a wire cutter,
  10. Boiled it,
  11. Washed it with antibacterial soap,
  12. Soaked it in alcohol
  13. Held it under a flame,
  14. And put it in a little velvet box with a cotton pad.
  15. On Friday, October 29th, 2010, at 6:45 AM, before class let in, I walked up to Wes with a little velvet box.
  16. I took his hand, walked to the side of the school facing the football field, and I told him to pierce me.
  17. He took the needle,
  18. Sanitized his hands,
  19. Ran it over a flame,
  20. Pinched the inside of my nose to find the "sweet spot"
  21. And shoved the bootleg needle through my septum.
  22. I walked around school with this needle through my nose for two hours.
  23. Then in history, I excused myself, shoved a septum ring in my nose, and came back a new bitch.
  24. Now, 5 years later, I still got the same hole. It's a little stretched, but it's still cute I think.