Requested by Alex Perry

How to Get Over a Shitty Breakup

  1. Rob your ex
    Because they wasted your time, and your time is money, so you need to get that shit back! Tell them to run those mother fuckin pockets.
  2. Ok no, but for real, start with this: "Me first."
    It'll be hard as fuck to think about yourself primarily, especially for someone like me, who gets off on making other people happy, but you have to think about yourself first.
  3. "Me first" comes in many forms.
    Emotionally, mentally, physically, hell, even sexually.
  4. Always ask what you need
    Have you drank enough water? How would you describe what's going on in your heart right now? Did you get some quiet time? Have you masturbated/do you wanna take a break from masturbating? Think about you.
  5. Get used to being alone for an indefinite time.
    Learn to touch yourself in loving ways. Realize and remember that you're your biggest fan and best friend. Treat yourself that way, and get used to it.
  6. Find some new shit you like
    New hobbies, learning, endorphins, blasé blah. Get busy for a little bit.
  7. Acknowledge that you are not yet over it, and you will be, and it gets better, and something/someone much more suited for your happiness will come once you are at the right point in life to accept the love you deserve.
  8. Sidebar: I'm not the best at these because I probably would really rob my ex and light some stuff on fire. But I hope this works for you. You've got it!