i'm a monster

  1. came in my best friend's house after work loud as fuck
    also: i had sex with her roommate and we just got over the post-sex awkward phase he brought upon us
  2. dropped a bath bomb in my best friend's toilet
  3. made a video of me singing a lewd remix of a musician's song while my friend's humped the air
    imagine what kind of response you'd give if someone sent you a snap of them hollering "SUCK ON MY PE-NIS, SUCK ON MY PENIS!" barely in the key of your song that you poured your heart into... yeah.
  4. made fun of my best friend's roommate (with whom i recently stopped having sex) for using a pink reclining workout bike for his main source of cardio
    not because it was a pink workout bike, but because it's counterproductive
  5. them incited a roast battle in his living room where he just wanted to watch westworld
  6. when he asked us to be quiet and watch the show with him, we purposely asked a million questions and snickered, ruining his one chance of peace and quiet in his own home
  7. then i sent him this picture of blac chyna in labor as an apology
  8. and after all that, we bellowed with laughter while he tried to go to sleep