Requested by Marissa Rae

Jobs I'd Really Like to Do Other Than the One I'm Already Doing

  1. Makeup artist under contract with some wild avant-garde porn company
    I need an excuse for all this eye blood I'm about to buy.
  2. YouTuber turned actual paid professional
    Like??? WHAT I NEED TO GET ON IT
  3. Yoga instructor for pregnant people
    I will have to know how to deliver a baby in emergency situations
  4. Cardiovascular surgeon
    Definitely wanna cut through someone's chest at least once.
  5. Mortician
    See above
  6. The girl who drives the Hustler bus around as promo
    I saw this exact bus yesterday and was like "...hm. I could do that."
  7. Jennifer Lopez
    She's so... Spectacular. Like OF COURSE I could say Beyoncé but jlo is single, she's on the low, and she doesn't have the same pressure to be on 24/7 (no shade)
  8. Airbnb review blogger
    @sharonakosuaa
  9. Social media for an awesome company
    (I already do this for a bomb ass art gallery but STILL)
  10. Red bull girl
    Red bull girls at my school walk around with huge red bull shaped backpacks and give out red bull during finals week. Here's the thing tho: gotta be thin. Gotta be white. Gotta be from jersey, thus a lil basic but cute. Sacrifices.
  11. The architect for those glass-steel-cement type homes
  12. Silicon Valley "innovator"
    I want people to listen to my wild ideas while I play with new tech toys
  13. Competitive eater
    Kinoshita yuka eats like 50k calories daily. It's crazy.
  14. Reptile and insect handler
    Like Diana Terranova and Prehistoric Pets
  15. Fragrance chemist
    I know what you smell like.
  16. Character on peewee's playhouse during whatever time this was
    Except I'd wanna be an adult so I could dry hump peewee during lunch
  17. Harpist
    I can play other instruments but I like the harp.
  18. The octopus that predicts who wins the World Cup
  19. Maidenfed
    She's friends with my friend Iphi, and I saw her swing a lit candle from her strap-on harness. she's really cool. I don't know what she does but its cool.
  20. Whatever it is that'd allow me to tell all my crazy stories bc I love making people laugh and shit
  21. I wanna do everything.