I really feel so selfish for even talking about my own experience after hearing about the Orlando shooting. But as a queer person, this is my community, my family, my people.
  1. I wanted to say this last night, but was too emotionally beaten and tired to really put my thoughts together.
  2. I'm terrified to go to Pride any time soon, even more so than before.
    It's gone from that general anxiety of mass attack that was tucked under a fear of running into terrible exes, predatory fetishists, and people who I just wish not to see to an actual terror of going anywhere fellow LGBTQIA+ people are. I'm terrified.
  3. Yesterday, Stonewall was blocked by cops with huge assault rifles around the time the man with explosives in LA was caught, and many of people were in distress.
    Stonewall, the site of the first Pride ever and the legendary Stonewall riots was barricaded by men in huge guns after men in huge guns in Orlando harmed about 103 people, including the 50 that were killed.
  4. I fear for the people I've made my family since I've come out, especially my trans sisters in major cities who've been repeatedly attacked on many different scales of violence.
    My brothers and sisters are all terrified. My friend Miguel is still trying to reach his loved ones in his city who might have gone to Pulse, even going so far as to messaging some friends on Jack'd. We are all scared. We know that it's happened before, and it could happen anywhere else, and it will more than likely happen again. We've all reached out to one another, but it's not enough to ease the pain of knowing some of our own are gone forever and at any moment we could be next.
  5. Worst of all, I think many are numb to it.
    My parents mentioned it for no more than 4 seconds, and didn't care to discuss it with me, because although they don't care for it, they know how hard I go for my community. Within 30 minutes of it being mentioned on Twitter, people went back to talking about $200 dates and eating ass or whatever the fuck we argue about pointlessly. It's really treated like a fucking daily event, as if a whole city, a whole community, isn't weeping. I'm terrified how accepting we are of this.
  6. And I can't do anything to fix it
    I could give money, blood, prayers, time, but these people are gone. I can't protect myself or anyone I know from this. And I can't anticipate if or when something like this will happen again. It's terrifying. I want to be positive. But it's very hard and I'm very scared, beyond what this list can express. I'm so sad and I'm so scared. Nobody deserves this.