Shit That's Happened to ME Before I've Turned 21 That I Never Put on My Bucket List

I'm almost 21. Might as well check off the extras.
  1. Made out with a cop (16 yrs old)
    He was on duty after there was a shooting at my local movie theatre. In the uniform and all. But then he told me he had to stop because he was on duty... And he was married.
  2. Puked on someone's boat (15)
    Full-on projectile vomit. Then I was approached by this girl's mom, who asked me, "Are you sick, sweetheart?" Nah, that's just how I say I'm enjoying the view.
  3. Cracked someone's head with brass/metal knuckles (20)
    He called me a nigger.
  4. Been the middle man in a very bad acid dealing situation (19)
  5. Lost a Miss Teen USA state pageant (15)
    But I got a makeup pouch afterwards because the pageant's glam team thought I was very sweet, even after they fucked up my hair and makeup.
  6. Fought with J*hn Green... Twice. (18 & 20)
    Fuck that guy.
  7. Stolen about an ounce of weed from someone (20)
    He had entirely too much. He won't miss it.
  8. Tipped a delivery boy in Adderall (20)
    He was so fucking cute!!!
  9. Had an ex play papa roach on my voicemail (14)
  10. Sold "Yummy Earth" Organic lollipops as edible marijuana pops to some Puerto Rican dudes from the Bronx in Coney Island (18)
    $8 a pop, too. Hustlenomics.
  11. Put a married man in a leash and collar at his job (18)
    He worked at a pizza shop, but still. *Also, I didn't know he was married. Until he said his wife would kill him.
  12. Shattered a bus shelter ad (19)
    Fuck Halloween
  13. Tried to pose for a picture with Warren Sapp while he stuck his finger in my asscrack in front of my family (18)
    A horrible experience.
  14. Gave $7k worth of Percocets to some guy I liked (15? 16? It was a dark time)
    Last time I saw him, he had an Insane Clown Posse tattoo. I'm really hoping none of the percocets I gave him contributed to that fucking tattoo
  15. Edit: I just realized how illegal a lot of these are... I'm a good kid, I swear!
  16. Edit #2: also I don't have a bucket list...