Shit That's Happened to ME Before I've Turned 21 That I Never Put on My Bucket List
I'm almost 21. Might as well check off the extras.
- •Made out with a cop (16 yrs old)He was on duty after there was a shooting at my local movie theatre. In the uniform and all. But then he told me he had to stop because he was on duty... And he was married.
- •Puked on someone's boat (15)Full-on projectile vomit. Then I was approached by this girl's mom, who asked me, "Are you sick, sweetheart?" Nah, that's just how I say I'm enjoying the view.
- •Cracked someone's head with brass/metal knuckles (20)He called me a nigger.
- •Been the middle man in a very bad acid dealing situation (19)
- •Lost a Miss Teen USA state pageant (15)But I got a makeup pouch afterwards because the pageant's glam team thought I was very sweet, even after they fucked up my hair and makeup.
- •Fought with J*hn Green... Twice. (18 & 20)Fuck that guy.
- •Stolen about an ounce of weed from someone (20)He had entirely too much. He won't miss it.
- •Tipped a delivery boy in Adderall (20)He was so fucking cute!!!
- •Had an ex play papa roach on my voicemail (14)
- •Sold "Yummy Earth" Organic lollipops as edible marijuana pops to some Puerto Rican dudes from the Bronx in Coney Island (18)$8 a pop, too. Hustlenomics.
- •Put a married man in a leash and collar at his job (18)He worked at a pizza shop, but still. *Also, I didn't know he was married. Until he said his wife would kill him.
- •Shattered a bus shelter ad (19)Fuck Halloween
- •Tried to pose for a picture with Warren Sapp while he stuck his finger in my asscrack in front of my family (18)A horrible experience.
- •Gave $7k worth of Percocets to some guy I liked (15? 16? It was a dark time)Last time I saw him, he had an Insane Clown Posse tattoo. I'm really hoping none of the percocets I gave him contributed to that fucking tattoo
- •Edit: I just realized how illegal a lot of these are... I'm a good kid, I swear!
- •Edit #2: also I don't have a bucket list...