The Reasons I'm Fucking Adorable

Good one @mallofamanda
  1. HA! Here's why I'm not fucking adorable:
  2. I'm fucking obnoxious
    Always very outspoken, always very in-your-face, always too passionate about even the littlest thing
  3. I'm fucking huge
    Kind of... I'm fairly tall, but I have broad shoulders, big boobs and a big butt, and I'm unaware of just how big I am, so I'm always running into things and knocking stuff over. My friends have a guessing game about where the ever-present bruises on my thighs came from. Here's a picture of me next to a human-sized sink for measure.
  4. I'm fucking clumsy
    Kinda ties into the last bullet point. I'm really graceful for long periods of time, then the gods of gravity just remind me that I'm still me. I've slid headfirst into a trash can. I've slipped on a banana peel. I have the most embarrassing falls.
  5. I'm fucking greedy
    I'm always hungry in some way: hungry for food, hungry for affection, hungry for attention, hungry for excitement etc etc etc. I want a lot of everything, all the time.
  6. I'm fucking crying all the time
    I'm always feeling some shit. It's not cute.
  7. I'm fucking vulgar
    I'm always talking about spitting in assholes and blowjobs and inappropriate things... Always.
  8. I'm fucking weird
    I like knives and preserved animals and asking people about their vegetable intake. Also, do you see the shit I talk about on here?
  9. I'm fucking dangerous
    Not the cool "bad boy on a motorcycle" kind. I'm always getting into shit. Also, being this big and violently emotional is a fire hazard or something.
  10. I'm fucking exactly like the "Death by Snu Snu" girls from futurama
  11. But, like... I love to pretend I'm fucking adorable.