Things I Do That Might Not Be All That Bad but I'm Still Self Conscious About

  1. When shaking hands with someone, I put my other hand over theirs.
    I read somewhere it's like a power move, but I think it's like a hand embrace, and I try my best to make people feel warm and familiar with me. I've done it to potential bosses. Yikes.
  2. Sometimes when I'm anxious, I'll take a word that "feels" good, and repeat it under my breath over and over
    It's a form of stimming, and it really helps me. But my little sister noticed and I was really embarrassed that anyone else could hear me.
  3. Code Switching with languages
    The few languages and my parents' hometown dialects all affect the way I speak when I go somewhere. I have no real standard as a "first language", so I get weird about my fluctuating accent, but the one that bothers me the most is when I switch from any kind of AAVE to SAE.
  4. Code switching with gendered presentation
    I'm more masculine/feminine in certain environments. It used to be a lot more noticeable when I had a shaved head, and I made a lot of people uncomfortable, so I would try to regulate my presentation as a defense mechanism.
  5. Emotional responses when speaking
    I feel it all. I audibly gasp, get really engaged in conversation with my head resting in my hands, vocalize when I agree or disagree with a point... I do it all. I wanna be more neutral, but I can't help but let someone know I'm listening to them.
  6. My train of thought
    A lot of connections that make sense to me don't make sense to who I'm speaking with. I end up over explaining.
  7. Episodes
    If I go through a particularly anxious/manic episode, I'm hyper aware of how others respond to me, and I get really defensive.
  8. I'm always fucking singing
    Or humming, or drumming. It's really soothing but I feel really strange about it.
  9. I nod my head as if listening to music when writing.
  10. I do this high pitch purr/trill instead of a sigh
    Sounds kind of like the Nicki minaj trill sound at the end of feeling myself. I thought nothing of it until someone I was working with thought it was a sound I did when I was annoyed, and I had to explain its just a... Thing.
  11. Kind of a natural flirt
    I catch myself doing things that other people might consider flirting. My gynecologist thought I was hitting on him. A 60-something British dude who was staring dead at my cervix... Thought I, ME, was hitting on HIM.
  12. I harmonize with everything
    And it's like.. Never ending. I do it with songs, vines and instagram videos. If there's a three part harmony, I will add a fourth. I will harmonize with everything
  13. When arguing or aggressively debating, i will put my hand up and tell you to stop if you interrupt me, then automatically complete my statement
    I sound like "I don't underSTOP-stand why you STOP can't take a break from STOP being such a dick when I try my best to STOP bring my levels of dick STOP down for you"
  14. I also say "STOP" and "PLEASE" and "ME" when I find something super funny and it confuses people
  15. I laugh with my whole body.
    It's booming and maniacal and villainous and contagious.