Alternatively titled: "If You Wanna Be My Lover: A list of things I'd like, but don't mind if you ain't gottem"
  1. Not afraid of experimentation
    Read: will at least consider trying things once, whether it's playing with knives or eating Dorito omelettes for breakfast. You don't have to do it... It's the thought that counts.
  2. Good at logging out and tapping into the "Real World ™"
    Doesn't have to be completely off the grid, but can challenge me to spend at least 24 hours off my phone and in their presence.
  3. Pretty fuckin dirty
    If you can out-nasty me, you're probably disgusting, and very creative, and I'd love that. It's a lot more rare than you'd think (and my presence on here has been very censored... I'm gross as hell).
  4. A little scary
    A little thrill ain't never hurt nobody. If something about you makes me a little nervous, I'll more likely be into you.
  5. Attentive
  6. Great at shopping for clothes
    I suck at it. We need balance.
  7. Strong hands
    For choking; for spanking; for getting a grip on what's important
  8. Able to teach a know-it-all a little something about something
  9. Could handle accidentally responding to "Daddy" when first meeting my father
    Not saying that would happen, or that I'd call them daddy. It's just... A possibility. You gotta be pretty good at crisis management.
  10. Ability to discuss different opinions without being a dick
    Even if we disagree, we can be civil.
  11. Pro at playful banter
  12. Can get through the whole happy birthday song without giving up on the highest note and changing keys like a BITCH