1. Mild
    You probably thrive off of the nachos and whatever new deal they have out, but you psyched yourself out on the huge box meals. You might have a really great responsible job, and some kind of low maintenance pet for companionship (and the social media attention, lowkey)
  2. Hot
    You still drink fireball, even though you graduated from college 3 years ago. You've made poor choices in your life, but you have enough money to pay for dumb shit like salsa classes at the Y. You probably watched Semi-Pro in theaters, too.
  3. Fire
    You watch those videos of rich European kids hanging off the side of sky scrapers with selfie sticks all the time. Your secret personal hero is Dan Bilzerian. Most likely to have a picture of yourself next to a sedated tiger on tinder.
  4. Verde
    You know the diet game well, but you know how to bullshit it better. You pull up to the drive thru and they already know your order: everything with black beans, no cheese or sour cream, and sub out with guac. You're in so much denial but fake healthy living is better than no healthy living at all.
  5. Diablo
    You do not give a fuck. You're here for the thrill, and you'll get it any way possible. One-ply toilet paper is your enemy. Might have been a suspect for local arson jobs one or six times.
  6. No sauce
    What's the fucking point?