Why It's a Bad Idea to Put Essential Oils in Your Bath
Don't pay attention to me. Im pumped on caffeine and finals anxiety.
- •It's a long day and it's the holidays and your family's over to visit, but they're all out sightseeing and stuff, right?
- •and they're going to be at your aunt's house, so you can have the night with Bae, which is great because it's been a week or so and you miss that lovin, right?
- •So you run a bath, and you check in your cabinet for all the oils and shit you can put in the water because you want your skin to be nice and smooth and you wanna be smelling nice for Bae in case some "ow-wow-wow-na-now-wow" *keith sweat "Nobody" voice* happens
- •So you choose the peppermint oil you've been putting on your scalp with a little bit of coconut oil for your skin, right?
- •And you get in the bath and the water is kinda hot, but you get in anyway because life comes at you fast and you can take a lil heat anyway because you kinda like when the bath water heat tingles on your booty, right?
- •And you get back up and go downstairs to pour yourself a glass of white Zinfandel but all you have is this Riesling you brought for dinner yesterday and you go like whatever y'know im just tryna drank a lil bit
- •So you come back upstairs with the bottle of Riesling or whatever and dip back in the tub
- •And you sippin and dippin while you got a little slow jamz playlist on Spotify going that has the right amount of 12 play where you can pretend like you didn't mean to listen to an old r. Kelly song but it's already on and you wanna save the skips for when they put on some shit like Monica's "before you walk out of my life"And you can just be like ok no moral dilemma for jammin to a little r-dot in the bath.
- •And you hit that part of the playlist where they start rocking the Toni Braxton and you know Toni Braxton voice sounds like velvet sheets and some warm milk so you drift to a lil nap in the bathtub that's cute but not deep enough for you to sink into the water and wet your bath bonnet and fuck your kitchen up(Sidenote: kitchen is a black slang term if you don't know what it is, you get a 20 second pass to urban dictionary it............. Ok you got it? Cool, lets continue)
- •So like eighty minutes later, you wake up and your toes all pruned up and the water is kinda lukewarm and your phone is ringing in the bedroom so you rush to go get it and forget you got like oil on and around your body
- •and when you stand up and get one foot out, the oil in the tub makes your body slip and you fall on the wine bottle and you get glass pieces in your elbow and your side and your leg is all fucked up because you bent it out of shape when you fell
- •And you sitting outside the tub in a little pool of blood crying with your face in the crook of your elbow and you forgot your sister stayed back when the family went out so she walks to the bathroom to see what's up
- •And she sees you crying with your face in the crook of your elbow in a little pool of blood and instead of calling 911, she looks at you for a second, then says "... DAB!" Then walks out the bathroom while you bleed to death all because you wanted your pum pum to smell like candy canes for Bae.
- •Don't put essential oils in your bath.