yeah no i TOTALLY don't need therapy

  1. blocking half the people i know out of my life if they so much as appear less than happy with me
  2. also disappearing for days from the other half of people i know
    my mother has called to yell at me about this five times this past month. i just unblocked her today.
  3. almost intentionally neglecting basic night time care routines
  4. the one time she (meaning me, meaning i) had a panic attack while driving that got so bad that she (meaning me, meaning i) couldn't see and she (meaning me, meaning i) flashed her (meaning me, meaning my) poussoir to a roadside assistant on accident while sobbing in fetal position in the backseat of the car
    third person is used to signify the dissociation... ~*~ just another manic mondaaaaayyyyy~*~
  5. entertaining whatever the fuck is going on in my sex/love(???) life
    just ONE situation like this alone is enough to overwhelm a whole writer's room
  6. there's half a bottle of jameson in my purse
  7. i am both lactose and gluten intolerant (not in the LA way like in the real way) and guess which two things are in almost everything i eat when i have an emotional #moment?
  8. i spent more on bath products in twenty minutes than i've spent on my wardrobe in a literal year.
  9. the most exciting thing about my day yesterday was that a follower of mine is sending me a coke spoon medallion of someone getting fucked doggystyle
    as pictured
  10. have you ever driven 70 mph on a back road while masturbating? i have. don't worry i snapchatted it so it's all good.
  11. and finally, i destroyed a playground trash can with my bare hands at midnight before coming home and dreaming about not being able to communicate with anyone except through ransom notes.
  12. i am... 100% in control of everything.